The Pursuit of Happiness

Garden State (2004)
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

Andrew Largeman: This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better.

Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.

Mark: The only thing worse than a favor is a favor involving money.

Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.

Andrew Largeman: You know, this necklace makes me think of this totally random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for one reason or another. And she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls rolling around. And there was like snot running down my nose. And she offered me her sleeve and told me to blow my nose into it. And I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself, this is love... this is love.

Andrew Largeman: I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.

Sam: You don't realize, this is good, this doesn't happen often in your life. We can work this stuff out. I want to help you, you know? We need each other...
Andrew Largeman: This isn't a conversation about this being over, it's, it's... I'm not, like, putting a period at the end of this, you know, I'm putting, like, an ellipsis on it, cause I'm- I'm- I'm worried that if I don't figure myself out, if I don't go like land on my own two feet, then I'm just gonna to mess this whole thing up, and this is too important. I gotta go... you changed my life in four days. This is the beginning of something really big. But right now, I gotta go.

Sam: What are you doing?
Andrew Largeman: Remember that idea I had, about working stuff out on my own, and then finding you once I worked stuff out?
Sam: The ellipsis?
Andrew Largeman: Yeah, the ellipsis, it's dumb. It's dumb. It's an awful idea. I'm not gonna do it, okay? Cause like you said, this is it. This is life. And I'm in love with you... I think that's the only thing I've ever really been sure of in my entire life. And I'm really messed up right now, and I got a whole lot of stuff I have to work out, but I don't want to waste any more of my life without you in it. And I think I can do this. I mean, I want to. I have to, right?
Sam: Yeah. Yes!
Andrew Largeman: So what do we do? What do we do?

Sam: That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have.

Sam: This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.

Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert
Albert: Yeah?
Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too

Andrew Largeman: Safe... when I'm with you I feel so safe... like I'm home.

Atonement (2007)
Robbie Turner: ...if all we have rests in a few moments in a library three and a half years ago, then I don't know... I don't...

Robbie Turner: [voiceover] Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.

Cecilia Tallis: [crying] I don't know how I could've been so ignorant about myself... so... so stupid. And you know what I'm talking about, don't you? You knew before I did.
Robbie Turner: Why're you crying?
Cecilia Tallis: Don't you know?
Robbie Turner: Yes, I know exactly.
[kisses her]

Older Briony: So, my sister and Robbie were never able to have the time together they both so longed for... and deserved. Which ever since I've... ever since I've always felt I prevented. But what sense of hope or satisfaction could a reader derive from an ending like that? So in the book, I wanted to give Robbie and Cecilia what they lost out on in life. I'd like to think this isn't weakness or... evasion... but a final act of kindness. I gave them their happiness.

So I don't have too many quotes from Atonement and I'm not sure if I'd say that it's one of my favorites, but I was touched by it and for the first time in a long time I left the movie with something to think about. For anyone who has not seen the movie I'd say scroll down for in this next bit I will no doubtably ruin the ending for you. This whole blog today I'd really just like to focus on happiness and what exactly that is or could be. As a change of pace I'll start with atonement cause there's an element that's so still fresh as a fixture in my head. How long can we hold on to something even after something horrible has separated it from us or us from it. Is there any point in holding onto it? I ask this for anyone that's read a couple of these blogs so far as I have a repeating motif in many of them and the fact that I'm writing them is essentially so I can get back to me with no distractions from who I was before I felt something that ripped my world apart. In atonement Robbie and Ceicialia fall in love and it's the kind of love I'm sure many of us can relate to. One of those not so much said loves that the whole time your thinking why do I feel like this until it overflows and you can't help it anymore. From the moment of that realization they were split apart. And Robbie just holds onto it till his death. Even though I couldn't find the quote Older Briony whose the author of this story before the quote that I did find says something to the affect of what is the truth except complete and excrusiating agony. The audience doesn't want that, I'd say no body wants that. So what use or water does the truth actually hold. In other films especially knight or war movies man takes a whole lot of satisfation in truth, honor, and justice. But does he take happiness from it?

I'm seriously starting to doubt the usefullness and fulfilling life when it comes to truth. Now this could very well just be me, part of this lovely phase of depression/recouping that I'm going through right now but I'm wondering as I clear my way through these clouds that have darkened my days what changes should I and could I make to pursue happiness. This whole weekend I was completely numb, feelingless, exhuasted but well slept. At one point it felt as if I had no past and no future. That allowed me to live only for the moment. No regrets and no plans to speak of, a clean slate if you will. Well that and the fact that I'm not really talking to anyone. This blog is getting a whole hell of a lot more deeper blog writer than any living soul at this moment. I'd chose happiness over truthfulness I think. This statement is something that will take at least another month to overcome. Honesty has been a large part of my life until now overcoming it will be a battle. I don't believe anyone that really accepts the truth and can carry the burden of most truths is happy. Most truths don't just demand action but they inspire reactions.

Garden State is a perfect example. It's slow to uncover the truth of the situations that have led Andrew Largeman to even step foot back in the garden state, let alone his slow subtle realization of the world and it's people around him. And the relationships they have. Most of his life has been lived off a single situation that happened years ago. The truth of that situation holding him prisoner until now. Literally medicating his happiness away. I know I hold onto terrible things more so then the good things. It's easier to hold onto bad shit that's happened and what's worse is even if u let go of the bad shit that's happened I think it's already altered your behavior. Me pondering whether or not I should countinue to be as honest as I have, altering my behavior. Hardly ever do I remember all the factors that gave me something good, something that I appreciated, something or someone I loved. But I can almost completely recall the events and conversations that led up to bad shit happening. And once that bad shit has happened, it sets a pace for how I can alter the future so it never happens again. Whether that be speaking my mind less, trusting people less, or straight up not giving a fuck.

Which btw at the openning of garden state is exactly where Andrew is. He's got nothing that identifies him as an individual, he's got a medicine cabinet which right about now I wish I had, and he's just going through the motions of living but not actually taking part. I feel that and it's not until he comes home and is forced to deal with all this that he gets the will to just live ya know. It is striking how completely insensitive one person can become when their just making their way through a day without any awareness in the least of other people. I know this cause I'm living this. There's a line that I appreciate soooo much "You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." To add to this statement since I don't have any prospects at the moment to make this imaginary place, without it all you have is right of passage. Maybe that happiness I'm philosopizing about is in the moment where you have gotten your right of passage and your accepted for either being you, like yourself how u are with anyone everytime, or your one of them, anyone your able to lie, act, or pretend to be like to gain that acceptance.