It's All Within One's Self

Leaving Las Vegas - 1995
Ben: You can never, never ask me to stop drinking. Do you understand?
Sera: I do, I really do.

Ben: You're like some kind of antidote - mixes with the liquor and keeps me in balance.

Terri: Maybe you shouldn't drink so much. Ben: Maybe I shouldn't breathe so much either.

Sera: You wanna fuck now?
Ben: Maybe something to drink first. More tequila?
Sera: Whatever. What's the story? Are you too drunk to come?
Ben: I don't care about any of that.
There's time left. You can have more money. You can drink all you want. Just stay. That's what I want. I want you to talk or listen.
Just stay.
Ben: I came here to drink myself to death. Cashed in all my money...paid my American Express card...gonna sell the car tomorrow.
Sera: How long is it gonna take for you to drink yourself to death?
Ben: I think about four weeks. I don't know for sure, but I think. I got enough for about 300$ a day. That should do it.
Sera: What am l? A luxury?
Ben: You're a luxury, and your meter just ran out.
Sera: That's a nice watch.
Ben: You do like it?
Sera: You can talk a little bit more.I don't have to be anywhere.
Talk.

The Book Fight Club
“When the fight begins within
himself, a man's worth something.”
- Robert Browning, 1855 -

Fight Club (date unknown)
With insomnia, you're never really asleep;
you're never really awake." - tyler durdan or narrator

Rules of Fight Club:
1. You do not talk about 'Fight Club'.
2. You do not talk about 'Fight Club'.
3. When someone yells "Stop" or goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4. Only two guys to a fight.
5. One fight at a time.
6. No shirts, no shoes.
7. Fights go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at 'Fight Club', you have to fight.

Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fu**ing khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.


Tyler Durden (narrating) :That old saying, how you always hurt
the one you love, well, it works both
ways."

Narrator: "This is your life and it's ending one

Narrator: "And then... something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion -- dark and silent
and complete. I found freedom. Losing
all hope was freedom."

Narrator: "We were selling rich women their own fat
asses back to them."

minute at a time."

Tyler Durden: "The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything".

Tyler: "No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide."

Tyler: "Self-improvement is masturbation. Self-destruction is the answer".

Tyler: "I say, never be complete. I say, stop being perfect. I say, let's evolve and let the chips fall where they may...The things you own end up owning you."

Okay... ummm maybe at 3:35am this morning I grabbed it. I grabbed this terrible, horrific, socially unexceptable thing. This thing that made it all clear. Thank F'en god for clarity. It ain't her. It ain't the things that she's done to be alive and live, naw dawg. It's me. It's all me and how I'm putting it together as it grazes me. As it comes along with it's sweet suddle intoxicating pefume. It owned me, ya know. It owned me cause I was ready to be owned, or better yet I wanted to be owned. I wanted to be yours, like that shit. Like yeah the front I put up is bunk, it's BS, it's scata dedavro, or shit of the bull. I'm closing in on it, I ain't there yet but I'm getting it, and sweetheart trust me when it has gotten got, in me the drive to get it's gotten got and spread that shit where it ain't been gotten got will be got.

I don't know why I'm still spreading quotes. Peeps if u don't know the flick, these quotes ain't gonna do shit for you. Maybe you'll be inspired to watch... maybe. But these 2, my 2 everyday that mean something, that mean something so poiantly profound, if u ain't seen them your missing something, not just from my blog, but something from your own life and how you percieve it is or how it should be. Or how it could be if you could really devote yourself to really understanding and grasping the F'en message, which most movie goer's do not. They don't even try to. The credits roll... I liked it, I didn't like it. Wow cock lick that's so so so F'en profound, I wish I took u to buy a car or something expensive, your a great F'en shopper bitch. Sorry sorry, I'm being beligerant. Too much passion and no where to properly place it.

Back to business. Leaving Las Vegas ain't about the fucking lines. It ain't about the relationship of an alcoholic drunk whose ready to die from alcoholism. It's personable. It's about alcoholism or being a prostitute (which I don't know... or can even relate to). It's that personal level or understanding of that charachter. Right here and right now I'm so close to Ben Sanderson. So close, yes Elizebeth Shoe is smoking hot, she's got an innocence that is so sexy, but, But the important thing is drinking and getting that feeling that the world is unreal is more important. It's more important to forget everything that once was and just live in the moment and that moment will not be facilatated without alcohol. And when you get to a certain point of really really understanding that you'll stop drinking beer, you'll stop ordering mixed drinks, you'll slowly slowly grasp the reality that the only way it's gonna work is if you start drinking it straight. And it burns like hell going down, you'll get that feeling of puking but you gotta do it, cause if u can keep it down, it's yours. The moment of forgetting the past the present and just solidly living. Right now without any thought of anything else. That's where I'm at I crossed over at 3:35am this morning. I slept and the first thought in my mind was is my cup dirty... Do I give a fuck? No I don't, so I started drinking at 9am this morning and countinued on till it ran out and got more at noon.

Okay ok, on to fight club, fight club is a mans mans movie, excuse me a mans mans mans movie. I don't expect that many peeps without penis's to get it, I don't. There's a couple of lines that I didn't find online that really said it but at the same time this is another movie that's a film you feel or it's just another rolling credit, you like it? Ah it was alright I guess. Well fuck u people this lays down a forground of how this life could be lived and instead of feeling that you choose (here's a line from a good movie, probably the best) to inch by in your steel coffins (point break). " I want you to hit me as hard as you can". I mean jesus christ who says that, I feel that all day almost everyday. It's all about making the separation or "duality" which I'm gonna come back to, one. One thing, one way to grasp all of it. Could you imagine? How awesome would that be, yeah it feels like my heart is breaking... when it feels like my heart is breaking the skin on my chest rips open starts pouring blood and now I have a scar from that heart break. That would be F'en perfect!!! But no, instead we get resentment, disappointment, distrust, and the ability or lack or ability to pretend like we understand the inner workings. We're men god damn it u think we fully grasp that shit and move on.... no! Really god couldn't you physically hurt us instead, trust me we'd understand it better asnd learn from it.

Lastly the duality. The duality is so hard to grasp, comprehend, and spit back at other people. I have researched lots, loads of duality. Why it is, not only split personalities, I'll tell u this, but duality. Duality in simpliest terms is who u know you are and the fantasy of who u could be or u want to be. Most people can see that distinction. However the problem with it is there are lies we tell ourselves and we know their lies but they make us feel better and if we think about it we recognize they are lies. However there are lies we tell ourselves that we don't recognize, because they're old as fuck or we just don't wanna comprehend the bad shit we've done. Those lies create something else in us. Those lies my create an alterior personality that has absolutely no interest in finding out the truth. That personality might take the fuck over cause rationality, lets face it, is a weak fucking bitch that is easily overtaken. I'm worse today than I was yesturday.