Of Honor and Ego

Gladiator (2000)
Gracchus: I don't pretend to be a man of the people. But I do try to be a man for the people.

Maximus: Do you find it difficult to do your duty?
Cicero: Sometimes I do what I want to do. The rest of the time, I do what I have to.

Lucilla: Today I saw a slave become more powerful than the Emperor of Rome.

Maximus: I knew a man once who said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."
Commodus: I wonder, did your friend smile at his own death?
Maximus: You must know. He was your father.
Commodus: You loved my father, I know. But so did I. That makes us brothers, doesn't it? Smile for me now, brother.

Marcus Aurelius: And what is Rome, Maximus?
Maximus: I've seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, Rome is the light.

Maximus: What we do in life echoes in eternity.

Quintus: People should know when they are conquered.
Maximus: Would you, Quintus? Would I?

Maximus: Five thousand of my men are out there in the freezing mud. Three thousand of them are bloodied and cleaved. Two thousand will never leave this place. I will not believe they fought and died for nothing.

Marcus Aurelius: There was a dream that was Rome. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish, it was so fragile.


Maximus: Ancestors, I ask you for your guidance. Blessed mother, come to me with the Gods' desire for my future. Blessed father, watch over my wife and son with a ready sword. Whisper to them that I live only to hold them again, for all else is dust and air. Ancestors, I honor you and will try to live with the dignity that you have taught me.

Gracchus: Fear and wonder, a powerful combination.
Falco: You really think people are going to be seduced by that?
Gracchus: I think he knows what Rome is. Rome is the mob. Conjure magic for them and they'll be distracted. Take away their freedom and still they'll roar. The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the senate, it's the sand of the coliseum. He'll bring them death - and they will love him for it.

Maximus: Strength and honor.

Maximus: You risk too much.
Lucilla: I have much to pay for.
Maximus: You have nothing to pay for.

Lucilla: Is Rome worth one good man's life? We believed it once. Make us believe it again. He was a soldier of Rome. Honor him.
Gracchus: Who will help me carry him?

Marcus Aurelius: Tell me again, Maximus, why are we here?
Maximus: For the glory of the Empire, sire.

Maximus: Do you remember what it was to have trust, Proximo?
Proximo: [unfamiliarly] Trust?

Commodus: It's a dream, a frightful dream... life is...


Braveheart (1995)
Young William: What are they doin'?
Argyle Wallace: Saying goodbye in their own way. Playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes.


Robert's Father: At last, you know what it means to hate. Now you're ready to be a king.
Robert the Bruce: My hate will die with you.


Robert the Bruce: Lands, titles, men, power, nothing.
Robert's Father: Nothing?
Robert the Bruce: I have nothing. Men fight for me because if they do not, I throw them off my land and I starve their wives and their children. Those men who bled the ground red at Falkirk, they fought for William Wallace, and he fights for something that I never had. And I took it from him, when I betrayed him. I saw it in his face on the battlefield and it's tearing me apart.
Robert's Father: All men betray. All lose heart.
Robert the Bruce: I don't wanna lose heart. I wanna believe as he does.

William Wallace: It's all for nothing if you don't have freedom.

Young William: I can fight.
Malcolm Wallace: I know. I know you can fight. But it's our wits that make us men.

William Wallace: There's a difference between us. You think the people of this country exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it.

William Wallace: Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home you pass by to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.

William Wallace: Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.

Malcolm Wallace: Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it.

Robert the Bruce: I'm not a coward. I want what you want, but we need the nobles.
William Wallace: We need them?
Robert the Bruce: Aye.
William Wallace: Nobles.
[laughs a little]
William Wallace: Now tell me, what does that mean to be noble? Your title gives you claim to the throne of our country, but men don't follow titles, they follow courage. Now our people know you. Noble, and common, they respect you. And if you would just lead them to freedom, they'd follow you. And so would I

William Wallace: Every man dies, not every man really lives.


Something should be said for a noble honorable life. A simple life with ideals that have no exceptions. There was a time where I believe I truly understood what unconditional love was and believed myself capable of giving it. I'd like to return to that. I'd like to believe I'm capable of living in the present, and capable of still being idealistic even after all the life experience that proves otherwise. I want it. I've been completely sober for almost two weeks and even though plenty of doubts flood my mind and thoughts often I want the hope. I want to be better. Better than the I've been in quite sometime. I'm looking at ROTC and even maybe enlisting. This life can be so distracting. Since I've stopped drinking or smoking or just basically poisening myself my brain is in a constant hunger for knowledge and as a little aside I'm quite anti-social. Quite often do I ponder how I've gotten here or why friendly pleasantries or so terribly unimportant.

I'm afraid I guess. Afraid that anyone I meet is gonna leave me or that I'll say or do something unforgiveable or they will. I can't control what they do but I can control how I react to it and thinking about it again creates a parallel. It's because I want to feel like I'm in control. Like for somethings it makes sense to take control while other things you should just let go. If I could let go I could imagine an innocence I remember from my youth an innocence that has become all too scarce in my adulthood. There's a dormant grouping of disappointments, bitterness, and sadness that I've never fully dealt with. I pretty much just let it sit there and unless someone called me on the fact that it's there it never came up before. Now however it is and I should call people for support or ask for help but I've seriously become somekind of hardcore loner.

I want to open up and let go and if nothing else believe in honor and maybe something better then me. I want someone or something to show me the way but I'm still just too much of a proud egotistical asshole to ask for it. I sorta think the simplicity of life that I've been over looking would be forced into me if I was forced to learn it by a strength more powerful than me. This type of discipline would be invaluable. On the other hand I could just be running. I am the great escapist. Constantly getting the notion to get out and get gone and never actually getting rid of that thing that scares and bothers me the most, me.