Forget Regret Or Life Is Yours To Miss

The Butterfly Effect (2004)
Evan: If anyone finds this, it means my plan didn't work and I'm already dead. But if I can somehow go back to the beginning of all of this, I might be able to save her.

Evan: So, should I suck your dick now?

Thumper: Maybe there's a reason you've repressed the day some pervert had you in your tighty-whities.
[glances at Evan's journals]
Thumper: Hey Man, I'd think twice about what you're doing. You could wake up a lot more fucked up than you are now.
Evan: More fucked up than I am? You think you know me? *I* don't even know me!

Kayleigh Miller: Where'd you learn those new tricks?
Evan: What? It... it wasn't... weird... was it?
Kayleigh Miller: Yeah, if you call multiple orgasms weird!

Evan: I just thought that you should know.
Kayleigh Miller: Know what?
Evan: That you were happy once... with me.
Kayleigh Miller: You know there's one major hole in your story, there is no fucking way on this planet, nor any other I would ever be in some fucking sorority.
Evan: [Whispering] You were happy there...

Evan's note to Kayleigh: I'll come back for you

Evan: [to Kayleigh] I've already lost you once, I'm not gonna lose you again.

Jason Treborn: You can't play God son.

Evan: So, do you think it might have worked?
Kayleigh: Yeah... But that's not how things wound up... I'm with Lenny, Lenny is your friend... and that's where it ends.
Evan: Well... Would it make a difference if I told you that no one could possibly ever love anyone as much as I love you?
[Kayleigh looks sympathetic about Evan's feelings]
Evan: ...I'm not saying that, I am just saying it like if you were a girl, would that be something you would want to hear?

Jason Treborn: You can't change who people are without destroying who they were.

Evan: Yeah, you remember me? We had a nice chat once when I was seven...

Title Card: It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. - Chaos Theory

Evan: When we were kids, your dad was making a movie about "Robin Hood" or something...
Kayleigh Miller: What do you want to know, Evan?
Evan: Is... Did he... What happened in the basement?
Kayleigh Miller: Look, it was a long time ago. Is that why you came all the way back here? To ask a lot of stupid questions about "Robin Hood"?
Evan: No, I... I just think something really bad might of happened.
Kayleigh Miller: Is there a point to any of this?
Evan: Look... what ever happened, it wasn't our fault, we were kids. I mean, there is nothing that we could do to of deserved or could of done...
Kayleigh Miller: Just shut up, Evan, you're wasting your breath.
Evan: You can't hate yourself because you're dads a twisted freak.
Kayleigh Miller: Who are you trying to convince, Evan? You come all the way back here to stir up my shit just because you have a bad memory? What? Do you want me to just cry on your shoulder and tell you everything’s all better now? Well fuck you, Evan. Nothing's all better, okay? Nothing ever gets better. You know, if I was so wonderful Evan, why didn't you call me? Why did you just leave me here to rot?

Evan Treborn at 13: You really have no clue how beautiful you are, do you?

Frequency (2000)
John Sullivan: You on the job?
Jack Shepard: Long time ago. Do I know you?
John Sullivan: Do I look familiar?
Jack Shepard: No. What house you work?
John Sullivan: 7-4 homicide.
Jack Shepard: Hot shot.
John Sullivan: No, just working the job. As a matter of fact, I caught a case that goes back to your day. One of the Nightingale murders.
Jack Shepard: No kidding.
John Sullivan: No. Missing teenager, disappeared back in '68. Found her bones last week buried out by some old diner by Dyckman Street. Mary Finelli. Yeah, talk about dumb luck. The odds of anyone finding that 30 years later and the chance of hitting a dental? Forget about it. The best part is, she's the first victim. She knew the killer, so I bet those old bones are gonna do a lot of talking. Not for nothing, the past is a funny thing. We all have skeletons in the closet, we just don't know when they're gonna pop up and bite us in the ass. Huh, Jack? You changed your MO, 'cause if they knew your mother was the Nightingale, they would have looked at the family. They would have looked at you.
Jack Shepard: What are you looking at?
John Sullivan: Stealing your life away. You went down 30 years ago, pal. You just don't know it yet.

John: I want you to remember this word, okay? It's kind of like a code word: Yahoo. Can you remember that?

Julia Sullivan: What's going on here, Satch?
Satch: Frank says that he talks to Johnny, little Johnny on the radio in the future, and this guy claims to be your son!
Julia Sullivan: Well, I talked to him too, once. He's a cop.
Satch: You talked to the guy on the radio?

Frank Sullivan: [talking about Julia] Well I just knew. She melted my heart. You got anybody?
John Sullivan: Yeah, kinda. Something I gotta work out, but she's worth it.
[pause]
John Sullivan: You go ahead and get some rest. I'm tired too.
Frank Sullivan: I almost don't wanna click off here. Maybe we won't get this back.
John Sullivan: We will.
Frank Sullivan: Ok. I'll be here tomorrow.
John Sullivan: I know.
Frank Sullivan: I love you son.
John Sullivan: I love you too dad. I missed you so much.

Frank Sullivan: John, say hello to my wife Julia.
John Sullivan: Hi.
Julia Sullivan: Hi John. Frank tells me you're a cop.
John Sullivan: Yeah, that's right.
Julia Sullivan: My six year old keeps telling us he wants to be a policeman right after he retires from the majors. We just bought him a badge and a whistle for his birthday.
John Sullivan: Yeah, I remember I used to play cops and robbers all the time, and y - my mom wouldn't let me have a toy gun.
Julia Sullivan: Sounds like your mom and I would get along.
John Sullivan: Yeah, she's pretty special. I'm real proud of her.
Julia Sullivan: I bet she's proud of you too, being a cop and all.
John Sullivan: I hope so. I hope she knows how much I love her.
Julia Sullivan: She knows. Mom's always know how much their kids love them, even if they don't tell them all the time. Well I gotta go. It was good talking to ya John.
John Sullivan: You too.

Frank Sullivan: I don't know who you are, I don't know why you're doing this, but let me tell you something, asshole, you stay away from me and my family.
John Sullivan: Listen, I don't know how this is, but it's me, little Chief.
Frank Sullivan: Hey, hey, I am warning you, you touch my kid, I'll hunt you down 'til the day I die.
John Sullivan: But you already died!
Frank Sullivan: What are you talking about?
John Sullivan: The Buxton fire.
Frank Sullivan: [sarcastically] Oh, and when did that happen, 30 years ago?
John Sullivan: October 12th, 1969.
Frank Sullivan: That's tomorrow, I ain't dyin in no fire tomorrow or any other day, you got that?
John Sullivan: You gotta listen to me, it was an abandoned warehouse. Butch always told Ma it wasn't your fault, you went with your instincts. If you've just gone the other way, you could've made it!

I only know one of one person who thought the butterfly effect was a good movie. So this morning I dusted off the VHS and gave it another once over. I don't know if I liked it anymore than the first time I watched it. I do have a bit of a crush on Amy Smart so that helped. But in general today I've thought about regret. Since I've returned to New York I've done an excellent job of getting back on track and had no expectations allowing the contentness of no disappointment. I'm returning to school in January and slowly but surely filling my schedule with things I wanted to accomplish, never adding more than I can chew and not looking further then tommorrow for what is possible.

Tonight was the season premiere of Heroes and the second chapter was entitled the butterfly affect which inspired this post also. Frequecy in my opinion is a better film not because it's made better but that it's story touches me on a personal level. I believe both films directly relate to something that still to this day I can't let go of. That thing is regret. Many friends say things like they don't regret anything. Like You can't live a fulfilled life with regret holding you down. I think they may be right. But on the other hand the things that happen in your life that you may regret are essentially there to teach you to not make the same mistakes again, not that many second chances going around. You can only hope to be better when a situation that's similar arises. I question those who let go of their regrets do they even see a similar situation to something that could have gone a lot different if just a small little change had taken place.

I suppose that's growth and maturity. Some regrets I have are illusions, like I wish I knew my father better. I wish I knew his story, what drove him, why he did what he did, what was important to him. In conversations with his cousins and my mother when I first arrived home told me that he hated Greece which raises the question did I actually get any closer to him by travelling abroad. I suppose it did if I said I hated greece or greeks too, but I don't.

Blog Writers Top 5 Regrets (I think of them often almost daily)
1. I wish I spent more time listening and getting to know my father (he passed when I was 12) but still to this day that little bit would have changed so much. I think instead of searching on what still seems like an endless quest for meaning and direction, a few words from him would take.
2. I wish I didn't run away or push someone I loved away when they showed me something about themselves that I didn't like or that I hated. I regret doing that. As I mature i see it clearer as my own control issues. If I could go back or just talk to that kid I think I might be able to change his mind.
3. I wish I knew that a friend is a friend is a friend.
4. Wish I didn't pick up alcohol and drugs so early, especially picking up smoking so early in my life after I forced my mother to quit. Looking back when everything is so fresh and new, all brand new feelings, the simplicity of life without that stuff is more than enough.
5. I wish I finished school when it was recommended and I had everything in my favor to achieve it.

Anyhoot that's my piece on regret, which is in simplictic terms disappointment in yourself. All and all if given oppertunities like the past ones I think I will tread more softly. Speak softer and think more. I said once that I don't need anyone. It's only a half truth. I need people to be happy and content. I don't need them to stay alive, you need food, water, shelter, and warmth to do that. But to grow spiritually, intellectually, and humanly, I can't live without them. It's been said that some come across your path that have something to give you then they're gone, some come that you have something to give them, you give it to them and they're gone. I believe today that there are people that you can share and cherish everything with but you yourself must be openned up enough to do that. You gotta let go and just keep giving whether or not there's any return, and maybe just maybe leave it open without closure. For me at least a second chance to be better and emotionally availible and strong would be a testiment to true growth each and everytime it was made possible.