What Makes A Man A Man?

3:10 to Yuma (2007)

Ben Wade: Well, would you look at all this? You all spared no expense this time, Byron. I gotta say, though, it's probably cheaper just to let me rob the damn thing.

Alice Evans: He's a killer, Daniel.
Dan Evans: Then someone ought to have the decency to bring him to justice.

Dan Evans: You say one more word, and I'll cut you down right here.
Ben Wade: I like this side of you, Dan.

Ben Wade: They're gonna kill you and your father, William. They're gonna laugh while they do it. I think you know that.
William Evans: Call 'em off.
Ben Wade: Why should I?
William Evans: Because you're not all bad.
Ben Wade: Yes, I am.
William Evans: You saved us from those Indians.
Ben Wade: I saved myself.
William Evans: You got us through the trunnels. You helped us get away.
Ben Wade: If I had a gun in them tunnels, I would have used it on you.
William Evans: I don't believe you.
Ben Wade: Kid, I wouldn't last five minutes leading an outfit like that if I wasn't as rotten as hell.

Dan Evans: [handing him Alice's brooch] William, I want you to give this back to your mother. I want you to tell her that it helped me find what was right.
William Evans: Pa... I can't. I can't just leave you.
Dan Evans: I'm gonna be a day behind you, William. Unless something happens, and if it does, I need a man at the ranch to run things, protect our family, and I know that you can do that because you've become a fine man, William. You've become a fine man. You got all the best parts of me. What few there are.
[Dan shakes William's hand]
Dan Evans: And you just remember that your old man walked Ben Wade to that station when nobody else would.

Ben Wade: I've always liked you Byron, but you never know when to shut up. Even bad men love their mommas.

Dan Evans: I ain't stubborn.
Ben Wade: What?
Dan Evans: Earlier, you called me stubborn for keeping my wife and sons on a dying ranch. When Mark was two, he got tuberculosis. Doctor said we should get him to a dryer climate.
Ben Wade: Why are you tellin' me this?
Dan Evans: I don't know. I guess I just wanted you to know... I ain't stubborn.

Dan Evans: [while being choked] I ain't never been no hero, Wade. The only battle I seen, we was in retreat. My foot got shot off by one of my own men. You try telling that story to your boy. See how he he looks at you then.

Dan Evans: I've been standin on one leg for three damn years waitin for God to do me a favor... and He ain't listenin.

Charlie Prince: For a one-leg rancher... he's one tough son of a bitch.

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Dom: I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free.

Johnny Tran: [about Jesse who is driving away] Where's he going?
Dom: He went to the car wash
Johnny Tran: Whatever. Go fetch my car!
Dom: Go fetch your car? We're not on your block any more. You better watch who you talk to like that.
Johnny Tran: [Dom walks away] TORETTO! TORETTO! SWAT came into my house, disrespected my whole family because somebody narc'd me out! And you know what? IT WAS YOU!
[Dom punches Tran and a brawl ensues]
Dom: *I never narc’d on nobody! I never narc’d on nobody!*

Brian: Hey, wait, hold up! I don't have any cash, but I do have the pink slip to my car
Jesse: Wait, you just can't climb in the ring with Ali 'cause you think you box!
Brian: [points to Vince] He *knows* I can box! So check it out, it's like this: If I lose, winner takes my car clean and clear. But if I win, I take the cash, *and* I take the respect!
Dom: [laughing] Respect?
Brian: To some people, that's more important
Dom: ...That your car?

Brian: I thought if I got in your good graces you might let me keep my car.
Dom: You are in my good graces, but you ain't keepin' your car.

Dom: You can have any brew you want... as long as it's a Corona.

Brian: So what's your best time?
Dom: I've never driven her...
Brian: Why not?
Dom: She scares the shit out of me.

Brian: What was the deal back there?
Dom: It's a long story.
Brian: We have a twenty mile hike. Humor me.
Dom: A business deal that went sour. Plus I made the mistake of sleeping with his sister.

Dom: This you're beer?
Vince: Yeah that's my beer... Yo Dom! Why'd you bring the busta here?
Dom: Because the busta kept me out of handcuffs, he didn't just run back to the fort, the buster brought me back

Dom: You almost had me? You never had me - you never had your car... Granny shiftin' not double clutchin' like you should. You're lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn't blow the welds on the intake! You almost had me?
Extra: You Tell him Dominic. Get out of here
Dom: Now, me and the mad scientist got to rip apart the block... and replace the piston rings you fried.
[closes bonnet of car]
Dom: Ask any racer. Any real racer. It don't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning.
[Crowd cheers in agreement]

Dom: (talking to Brian) You break her heart, I'll break your neck

Dom: [pointing to a picture] That's my dad. He was coming up in the pro-stock circuit. Last race of the season, he was coming into the final turn when a driver named Kenny Linder tapped his bumper and put him into the wall at a hundred and twenty miles an hour. I watched my father burn to death. I can still remember him screaming. The people who were there said my father died long before the tanks blew. They said it was me that was screaming.

Dom: I saw Linder about a week later. I had the wrench in my hand... and I hit him! And I didn't mean to keep hitting him, but by the time I was done, I couldn't lift my arm. He's a janitor at an elementary school. He has to take the bus to work... and they banned me from the tracks for life.

Dom: I’m not running!

Yeah said I wasn't gonna do action movies and what not and for the record I fucking hate westerns like with a passion. But when I saw 310 to Yuma this weekend I just thought it was so good. The way that you follow the story you root for the bad guys the whole time. Your like the ranchers kid whose like holy shit those guys have the fastest hands in the west. You can't help but want them to succeed and get their money and get away. Anyway's I'm interested in discussing for the moment what makes a man a man. I find this extremely important cause I've been raised primarily by my mother and although I have an older brother I never really thought of him as a role model. I've seen a bizillion movies and there are only a handful of male actors I like and strangely enough most of them aren't action film actors. But today since I'm doing something somewhat unorthodox by looking at an action film and a western which I might add will probably never happen again. I thought these questions are worth asking. Vin Diesel is the man. I can't say what exactly it is, it could be his deep loud voice, his massively muscly body or his constant confident I do what I want and take what I want attitude. I've seen sylvester stallone, Bruce Willus, Arnold Schwarzanegger, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and countless others get a variety of female attention from their roles but I don't believe any of them command the masculinity that Vin Diesel Does. I don't think they're even remotely compariably. What is useful in comparison is the genuineness. As for the common action hero yes trying to do good at all costs, very common these days amongst hero's but not that many have that certain prowess that is commanding at least I think. Vin Diesel isn't even in very many movies, and out of all of them The Fast and The Furious, Chronicles of Riddick, And triple X by far countinue his domination of an action hero. WHere btw he blantly doesn't give a fuck. Which is admirable I think. Much more admirable then the soft sides that Bruce Willis, Russel Crow, or Health ledger (god rest his soul) may profess.

I am curious though if being a man is just that simple in most peoples eyes. A man of few words. A man who takes action. A man whose protective. A man who fights for whats right. A bad boy, troublemaker, confident egotistical. I'm curious how that image is played out. I've never had problems meeting new people, getting dates, or even taking those dates to the next level. But there is only few and far between that get to go to the next next level because of the role of a man. A man is the bread winner. He basically eats, drinks, fucks, works, and gets angry I think. I think that about sums up his existence from the view of say umm.. I don't a woman. However I believe from man to man and going with my ongoing study of "Rite of Passage" there is so much more of a variety of factors and limitations that make a man a man. How much fight is in them. How strong are they physically and emotionally when real life situations are present. How does truth and honor and loyalty among other men affect them. True I think most men aren't emotionally availible. I think that on average we think that things go one way or the other and if it's not what we wanted we become sad or angry or what have you. But that anger for example I think is engrained in men purposefully. I think it's admirable to control your anger but at the same time it's more admirable to fight for something you believe in. Physical confrontation is in our blood.

This is where if u do wanna catch 310 to yuma you stop reading and come back to read if u want. So yes there are couple places where this film got me thinking. Like the son from the very beginning just thinks his father is a weak man. He constantly tests him and goes so far to say that he should do the extreme to the man that's trying to kick them off their land which is dun dun dunnn kill him. Like there ain't much killin going on in a western. Honestly that's why we're sittin in this town we wanna see all the killin. Anyways, so the picture that's painted of Dan (Christian Bale) from the gecko is poor. He has one fake leg and he doesn't seem like a strong character but as the film goes on it's just more and more prevailiant that he's extremely strong and no one sees it. Not until the very end where the bad guy even feels it. That totally blew me away. Like there was a comradery between Dan and Ben through the whole picture but you really thought that Ben was gonna get free and probably kill Dan. But instead dan has this huge monolugue and the truth of why he's doing this is all layed out and he is a tough guy. A tough good guy that's not agenda prown or alterior motive, just put so simply and I think that's what's important. On the other hand Ben Wade keeps this concept of being bad ass of being the most rotten of the rotten and you believe it. And at the end you think he's changed but all that's changed is his opinion of Dan in this kinda non-verbal man language. Yes non-verbal man language, happens all the time.

Today and looking at those films in an overview I think I appreciate being a man. I can't say I really like being one here cause the gender roles are a lot more concrete and I don't like them that way but on the same token sitting here thinking about it and my tiny man crush on vin diesel I guess that's the science of things. That's probably why girls act sweet and innocent when they're anything but that and why guys that have some crazy ass insecurities do a variety of things to cover them up. Again supporting less uses for truth. Still many uses for justice and honor persay but if we all play our roles even if it's the most primal of roles of someones elses example it's still not the truth. Maybe... I gonna keep looking for a better more defining statement about that and truth and acting. I'm thinking I should get back into acting to uncover it. Anyhoot just thought I'd share today on how I think men are men in the eyes of men. If u disagree u know what to do.

It's Better To Have Loved And Lost Then Never To Have Loved At All

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.

Joel: Is there any risk of brain damage?
Howard: Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.

Clementine: You know me, I'm impulsive.
Joel: That's what I love about you.

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

Clementine: My crotch is still here, just as you remembered it.
Joel: Yuck!

Joel: Hi.
Clementine: Hi. Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again. I guess I thought you were... humiliated. You did run away, after all.
Joel: I just needed to see you.
Clementine: Yeah?
Joel: I'd like to, um... take you out, or something.
Clementine: You're married.
Joel: Not yet, not married. No, I'm not married.
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that.
Clementine: Ohhh... I know.
Joel: It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.
Clementine: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.

Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.

Clementine: Joely? What if you stay this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a goodbye at least, let's pretend we had one... Goodbye, Joel.
Joel: ...I love you...
Clementine: ...Meet me in Montauk...

Joel: Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!

Clementine: I'm gonna marry you... I know it!
Joel: Ummm... okay...

Clementine: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
Joel: I'm not a stalker. YOU'RE the one that talked to me, remember?
Clementine: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.
Joel: Really? There's a stalker book? Great, I gotta read that one.

Clementine: What took you so long?
Joel: I just walked in.
Clementine: Do you miss me?
Joel: Oddly enough, I do!
Clementine: You said "I do" - I guess that means we're married!
Joel: I guess so!

Clementine: I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!

Joel: If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know.

Clementine: And in your little brain. You try to figure out, "Did she fuck someone tonight?"
Joel: No, see Clem. I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isnt that how you get people to like you?

Clementine: Joely?
Joel: Yeah Tangerine?
Clementine: Am I ugly?
Joel: Uh-uh.
Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: [kisses Clementine] You're pretty.
Clementine: Joely, don't ever leave me.
Joel: You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty...



Closer (2004)
Anna: We do everything that people who have sex do!
Larry: Do you enjoy sucking him off?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: You like his cock?
Anna: I love it!
Larry: You like him coming in your face?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: What does it taste like?
Anna: It tastes like you but sweeter!
Larry: That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.


Dan: You love her like a dog loves its owner.
Larry: And the owner loves the dog for so doing.
Dan: You'll hurt her. You'll never forgive her.
Larry: Of course I'll forgive her. I *have* forgiven her. Without forgiveness we're savages. You're drowning.

Alice: No one will ever love you as much as I do. Why isn't love enough?


Larry: You're seeing him now? Since when?
Anna: Since my opening last year.
[pause]
Anna: I'm disgusting.
Larry: You're phenomenal. You're so clever.


Larry: I think you owe me for deceiving me so exquisitely.

Larry: A good fight is never clean.

Larry: Of course she enjoyed it. As you know, she loves a guilty fuck.

Dan: I fell in love.
Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one.


Anna: I'm sorry you're...
Larry: Don't say it! Don't you fucking say you're too good for me. I am, but don't say it.

Dan: I want Anna back.
Larry: She's made her choice.
Dan: I owe you an apology. I fell in love with her. My intention was not to make you suffer.
Larry: So where's the apology? Ya cunt.
Dan: I apologize. If you love her you'll let her go so she can be happy.
Larry: She doesn't want to be happy.
Dan: Everybody wants to be happy.
Larry: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.


Dan: And you left him, just like that?
Alice: It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye."
Dan: Supposing you do still love them?
Alice: You don't leave.
Dan: You've never left someone you still love?
Alice: Nope.

Larry: Alice, tell me something that's true.
Alice: Lying's the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off - but it's better if you do.


Dan: You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram.
Larry: Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood! Go fuck yourself! You writer! You liar!

Alice: Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.

Larry: You don't know the first thing about love, because you don't understand compromise.

Larry: Is he a good fuck?
Anna: Don't do this.
Larry: Just answer the question! Is he good?
Anna: Yes.
Larry: Better than me?
Anna: Different.
Larry: Better?
Anna: Gentler.
Larry: What does that mean?
Anna: You know what it means.
Larry: Tell me!
Anna: No.
Larry: I treat you like a whore?
Anna: Sometimes.
Larry: Why would that be?

Alice: Is it because she's successful?
Dan: No. It's because... she doesn't need me.


Anna: I don't want trouble.
Dan: I'm not trouble.
Anna: You're taken.
Dan: I've got to see you.
Anna: Tough.
Dan: You... KISSED me!
Anna: What are you - TWELVE?

Dan: What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world.

Dan: I hate that I'm hurting you.
Alice: Then why are you?


Anna: Love bores you.
Dan: No, it disappoints me.

I was gonna post this yesturday but I couldn't bring myself to do it. That holiday was messing me up inside. It was way too honest about many of my feelings and a thorough break down of resentment and bitterness inside. So today I'm gonna take another crack at it. I think these are two movies are the best in depth real relationship movies, they deserve some words on their behalf. I think I can do them justice. When I saw Closer I thought it was the ugliest movie I'd ever seen. It had 2 academy award nominations but where the story goes at the time I just thought it was foul. How could these relationships get so fucked up? I'd never let it get that bad. ANd until recently I've been able to keep with that. But i think it's very hypocritical of me. I used to say I'd always be there. And I wasn't and I question, whether or not it would get as bad as the events in closer. I thought it would get more savage cause in closer the Dan and Larry for example are really hella civilized to each other, I couldn't see that being the case here. I'd be more likely to see an all out brawl with lots of blood and broken bones and shit. Which to tell u the truth is still prettier than the conversations in closer. I can't help but ponder how someone could live with these kind of situations. I think I know myself well enough to say I'm not strong enough to deal with infidelity well. And I don't want to adapt to deal with it ever. That's a choice not out of weakness but out of strength I believe. A decision on my own well being. If I was to put things into perspective I understand the need or lack there of labels, so u know where u stand but in retrospective that excitement of not knowing gradually goes away and feeds into routine and who wants that. But I don't think I could ever bring myself to believe I'm capable of loving two people at the same time. There has to be closure. Even if it's 100% personal. When it comes to my greatest love relationships, there are 3, there's always been closure. The first it was it's time to die we were changing and growing into our own and way too young for it to even be thought as a reasonably adult relationship. The second, had a reality check of what priorities were too important to sacrifice for it. And as for that one I still think about her but I won't go back, cause I've been slapped in the face with the harsh reality that feelings or love isn't enough to make it work. And the third relationship I'm still coming to terms of what the hell went wrong and my feelings about it. There's nothing to clear up, I mean there might be, but when alls said and done I'm still mad at myself for staying. And maybe it's a good experience so if I get into another relationship when I say something like I don't want to share you or theres no competition for my love, even if that other person can't make up their mind, I can make it up for them instead of letting it eat me up inside. After this experience Closer doesn't seem so ugly. Instead it seems harshly real. So real that I could see myself if I didn't get out asking these hard fucked up questions, cause at the time I just didn't want to know like ignorance is bliss and shit. It ain't bliss. It's just easier to handle if you think you don't know but the possibilities still run through your head like wildfire. You tell yourself your strong but you ain't really strong, your just not fully and completely hurt. "Dan: I hate that I'm hurting you.
Alice: Then why are you?" Key phrases. I'd say something like I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore and the relization that if she still existed on the level of someone I was romantically interested in I am still hurting. And I have a deep suspicion that that bound of intamacy isn't going to disappear. It'll disappear in the sense that out of sight out of mind. But not in the sense that I loved and could always love. Cause even though I'd like to be capable of unconditional love I'm not. There is one condition. So in conclusion I don't think there's anything beautiful about closer. I think it's a bunch of insecure, childish, immature people that never knew what they wanted and instead of being grateful for what they had they pursued what was on the otherside of the fence with complete disregard for others and maliscious purposes. After reading this over, it's not really that much better than the first draft. Oh well..

Now as for Eternal Sunshine, this is my favorite. Is it better to love and lost then never to have loved at all? Yes, yes it is. And you will never get the oppertunity to face what was there as it's fleeting from your memory. Such a brilliant idea. And the lines are just perfect. When they're on the ice looking at the stars and joel says I've never been this happy, this is exactly where I wanted to be. This last time that's how it felt, that's how I knew I was in love. The other times it was such a process like courting and falling. I wanna get back to that. To the simplisity of being in love innocently. It'll happen. Life is becoming less serious again which is how I've gotten to meet people again and be clever and funny. Always a good sign that times are changing for the better. I think I'm at the point where Joel was and he's relizing that almost all of his memories of clemintine have vanished and he's got a couple of killer memories that he really doesn't want to let go of so he tries to hide them or her in someplace that they wouldn't find her. That's how I feel about the little contact I have with her. Like I'm pushing away as far away as I can but I still don't want to let go completely. Even though it seems done, I want it to be done, like "Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!" But it ain't like that at all. There's a watch that for a month was in my closet but it's a good watch and it looks good on me and I'm attached to it and the eyes that gave it to me, and the rocks of a beach where thinking and feeling became knowing and believing. So with that said and conveyed and commemorated and commiserated and everything. Joel succeeds with wiping his memory of Clemintine. Even the best places he has to hide her like embarassment memories (or the internet) still become erased. But they find each other after they've been erased by each other and fall for each other again. And even after wiping all the memories out a tape of the worst shit that they hate about each other comes and love turns to hate in a heartbeat. I believe they have the strength to forgive and move on and stay and grow.

What difference do you think you can make, one man in all this madness & Get busy living, or get busy dying

The Thin Red Line (1998)

Japanese Soldier: Are you righteous? Kind? Does your confidence lie in this? Are you loved by all? Know that I was, too. Do you imagine your suffering will be any less because you loved goodness and truth?

First Sgt. Edward Welsh: There's not some other world out there where everything's gonna be okay. There's just this one, just this rock.

Private Edward P. Train: [voice over] Where is it that we were together? Who were you that I lived with? The brother. The friend. Darkness, light. Strife and love. Are they the workings of one mind? The features of the same face? Oh, my soul. Let me be in you now. Look out through my eyes. Look out at the things you made. All things shining.

Pvt. Jack Bell: [voice over] We. We together. One being. Flow together like water. Till I can't tell you from me. I drink you. Now. Now.

Private Witt: [voice over] This great evil. Where does it come from? How'd it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who's doin' this? Who's killin' us? Robbing us of life and light. Mockin' us with the sight of what we might've known. Does our ruin benefit the earth? Does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you, too? Have you passed to this night?

Private Witt: [voice over] Everyone lookin' for salvation by himself. Each like a coal thrown from the fire.

First Sgt. Edward Welsh: What difference do you think you can make, one man in all this madness?

Private Witt: I can take anything you dish out. I am twice the man you are.

First Sgt. Edward Welsh: Everything a lie. Everything you hear, everything you see. So much to spew out. They just keep coming, one after another. You're in a box. A moving box. They want you dead, or in their lie... There's only one thing a man can do - find something that's his, and make an island for himself. If I never meet you in this life, let me feel the lack; a glance from your eyes, and my life will be yours.

Private Witt: Do you ever feel lonely?
First Sgt. Edward Welsh: Only around people.

Pvt. Jack Bell: Love. Where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us? No war can put it out, conquer it. I was a prisoner. You set me free.

ivate Witt: [narrating] War don't ennoble men. It turns them into dogs... poisons the soul.

Private Witt: I remember my mother when she was dyin', looked all shrunk up and gray. I asked her if she was afraid. She just shook her head. I was afraid to touch the death I seen in her. I couldn't find nothin' beautiful or uplifting about her goin' back to God. I heard of people talk about immortality, but I ain't seen it. I wondered how it'd be like when I died, what it'd be like to know this breath now was the last one you was ever gonna draw. I just hope I can meet it the same way she did, with the same... calm. 'Cause that's where it's hidden - the immortality I hadn't seen.

First Sgt. Edward Welsh: We're living in a world that's blowing itself to hell as fast as everybody can arrange it.



The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Andy Dufresne: [in letter to Red] Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

Red: [narrating] I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile - prison life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Andy would show up with fresh bruises. The Sisters kept at him - sometimes he was able to fight 'em off, sometimes not. And that's how it went for Andy - that was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him.

Andy Dufresne: It's my life. Don't you understand? IT'S MY LIFE!

1967 Parole Hearings Man: Ellis Boyd Redding, your files say you've served 40 years of a life sentence. Do you feel you've been rehabilitated?
Red: Rehabilitated? Well, Now let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means.
1967 Parole Hearings Man: Well, it means that you're ready to rejoin society...
Red: I know what *you* think it means, sonny. To me it's just a made up word. A politician's word, so young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie, and have a job. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?
1967 Parole Hearings Man: Well, are you?
Red: There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit.

Warden Samuel Norton: I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you'll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank.

Andy Dufresne: Get busy living, or get busy dying.

District Attorney: And that also is very convenient, isn't it, Mr. Dufresne?
Andy Dufresne: Since I am innocent of this crime, sir, I find it decidedly *inconvenient* that the gun was never found.

Red: [narrating] The first night's the toughest, no doubt about it. They march you in naked as the day you were born, skin burning and half blind from that delousing shit they throw on you, and when they put you in that cell... and those bars slam home... that's when you know it's for real. A whole life blown away in the blink of an eye. Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it.

Red: These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
Heywood: Shit. I could never get like that.
Prisoner: Oh yeah? Say that when you been here as long as Brooks has.
Red: Goddamn right. They send you here for life, and that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway.

Brooks: [voiceover] Dear Fellows, I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile when I was a kid, but now... they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry Whilst being shown into a room. The parole board got me into this... half way house, called "The Brewer", Whilst working in Grocery Store, And a job bagging groceries in The Food Way. It's hard work, and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds,I keep thinkin' Jake might just show up and say 'Hello'. But he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doin' okay and makin' new friends. I have trouble sleeping at night; I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Food Way so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sorta like a bonus. I guess I'm too old for that sorta nonsense anymore. I don't like it here, I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'd kick up any fuss, not for an old crook like me.

Red: [narrating] I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

Andy Dufresne: If they ever try to trace any of those accounts, they're gonna end up chasing a figment of my imagination.
Red: Well, I'll be damned. Did I say you were good? Shit, you're a Rembrandt!
Andy Dufresne: Yeah. The funny thing is - on the outside, I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook.

Warden Samuel Norton: Salvation lies within.

Andy Dufresne: That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... Haven't you ever felt that way about music?
Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn't make much sense in here.
Andy Dufresne: Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget.
Red: Forget?
Andy Dufresne: Forget that... there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.
Red: What're you talking about?
Andy Dufresne: Hope.

Red: Andy crawled to freedom through five-hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want too. Five-Hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.

I love this line. Outta this whole movie this one line metaphorically puts it into perspective. The dude crawled through shit smelling foul nastiness to his freedom. It's profound. It has always hit a chord with me as the most descriptive commentary of reaching something and going through some kind of hitiously whack fucked upness to attain. Such vivid imagery. Can u imagine crawling like your in vietnam through 5 football fields of shit for freedom? I posed a question to a friend earlier today partially cause I think I'm still hella bitter and resentful cause the topic was hope with reference to love, but as I sat and thought more about hope without the distinction of Love, when it comes to practical uses outside of intamacy or romance I thought of Shawshank Redemption cause it's such a true testiment to hope. How the environment that these men were placed in for each of their individual mistakes, is an environment with the soul purpose of breaking their will and robbing them of their optimism and hope. I think of a line from triple X too and no people there will be minamal action movie references cause lets face it the lines suck cause the movies suck. Anyway I was saying cornel scarface says to XXX that there are lions in the zoo that get a certain glazed over look in they're eyes after they've been captured for a while. I think that look is literally when your will has been broken. As much as I teder, and I teder alot I don't believe my will is broken.

When it comes to the thin red line, and I love this movie too, it's like the deep poets answer to saving private ryan. Lets premise that the world is broken down into thousands upon thousands of catagories of good and evil and although some are the terrible grey I loathe so much on the whole I do wanna be on the side of good. I'd like to think to in the worst situations my virtue and honor will stand true. I think hope is important. I know I said when it comes to love it's not important but honestly I just don't want to think about it anymore and I wasn't but earlier this week I was again and the early hours of this morning it snuck back up again. I distinctly remember there being more to life then love and I think that hope of life without love and being what you were meant to be is important. I mean these 2 movies are so hopeful. The characters are swimming in a pool of dispair, constantly asking themselves and their friends how worse can it get and as much as it would be nice to even imagine it getting better they know it's going to get worse. It's just gonna get worse and worse and worse before it gets better. I'm gonna take strength from that. Tuck it away in my pocket.

I finished one of my friends music video's yesturday and as we finished we sat and spoke about god cause he's one spiritual mofo. Even with my mellon-colly madness I was able to listen to what he was trying to tell me. And I'll probably start going to church with him even though I doubt I'll understand anything being said. There was a moment of clarity and I wanted something that he had. He said that throughout his life with girlfriend, without, productive, non-productive, he's never felt like he didn't want anything or at as much peace as he does when he prays in the morning, at night, and goes to church. He said it is the most humbling experience laying down yourself before god or a priest and basically saying I can't get this for myself I need your help. That's hope. That's actually some profound spiritual enlightenment. Everyday I want something, lately I'm not even sure what that something is and I'm full speed ahead without rhyme, reason, or direction. With exception somewhat to film cause my life or my infinite nature has something truly ingrained in me from film, with film, about film. It speaks to me, it always has. But as for hope. I think hope serves a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is attainable and sometimes I think hope is like a gateway to disappointment. Maybe god is what will give me better perspective on it. Or at least give me some focus on which direction is better for me to focus my hope. I ain't in prison or in a war (literally). I'm gonna survive, I'm gonna make films and write, I want a solid message, something unifying all of us in a fabric of reality but at the same time some kind of electric or energy that makes or creates that sensation of it being ok. It's hard to say with words. I'll think more and probably meditate and pray on it.

The Beauty In The Breakdown

Girl, Interrupted (1999)

Susanna: [narrating] Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.

Daisy: You're just jealous, Lisa... because I got better... because I was released... because I have a chance... at a life.
Lisa: They didn't release you 'cause you're better, Daisy, they just gave up. You call this a life, hmm? Taking Daddy's money, buying your dollies and your knick-knacks... and eatin' his fuckin' chicken, fattening up like a prize fuckin' heifer? You changed the scenery, but not the fucking situation - and the warden makes house calls. And everybody knows. Everybody knows. That he fucks you. What they don't know... is that you like it. Hmm? You like it.

Daisy: Which do you like better? Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching?
Susanna: Alone.
Daisy: Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. I like to be alone when it goes in. To me, the cafeteria is like being with twenty girls all at once taking a dump.
Lisa: That is fucked up, Daisy.

Susanna: I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.

Susanna: No one cares if you die, Lisa, because you're dead already. Your heart is cold. That's why you keep coming back here. You're not free. You need this place to feel alive. It's pathetic.

Susanna: [narrating] When you don't want to feel... death can seem like a dream. But, seeing death - really seeing it... makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous.

. Crumble: Susanna, four days ago... you chased a bottle of aspirin, with a bottle of vodka.
Susanna: I had a headache.

Susanna: Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the '70s most of them were out living lives. Some I've seen, some never again, but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them.

Lisa: If talking did shit, we'd be out of here by now.

Susanna: What the fuck are you doing Lisa?
Lisa: Playing the villain, baby, just like you want. I try to give you everything you want.
Susanna: No you don't.
Lisa: You wanted your file, I found you your file. You wanted out, I got you out. You needed *money*, *I* found you some. I'm fucking consistent-I told you the truth-I didn't write it down in a *fucking book*! I told you to your *face*. And I told Daisy to her face - what everybody knew and wouldn't say, and she killed herself. And I played the fucking villain, just like you wanted.
Susanna: Why would I want that?
Lisa: Because it makes you the good guy, sweet pea.

Susanna: [reading from a book] "Borderline Personality Disorder. An instability of self-image, relationships and mood... uncertain about goals, impulsive in activities that are self-damaging, such as casual sex."
Lisa: I like that.
Susanna: "Social contrariness and a generally pessimistic attitude are often observed."
[pauses]
Susanna: Well that's me.
Lisa: That's everybody.

I Heart Huckabees (2004)

Brad Stand: How am I not myself?
[repeated]

Tommy Corn: Ah, here he comes!
Albert Markovski: Oh, boy.
Tommy Corn: The man-poet who banged France's dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta.

Dawn Campbell: I'm in my tree talking to the Dixie Chicks and they're making me feel better.

Albert Markovski: The interconnection thing is definitely for real.
Tommy Corn: It is! I didn't think it wasn't! It is!
Albert Markovski: I know, I can't believe it, it's so fantastic!
Tommy Corn: It's amazing!
Albert Markovski: I know.
Tommy Corn: But it's also nothing special.

Tommy Corn: How come we only ask ourselves the really big questions when something bad happens?

Mrs. Hooten: Albert, what brought you to the philosophical club?
Albert Markovski: You mean the existential detectives?
Mr. Hooten: Sounds like a support group.
Cricket: Why can't he use the church?
Mrs. Hooten: Sometimes, people have additional questions to be answered.
Cricket: Like what?
Albert Markovski: Well, um, for instance: if the forms of this world die, which is more real, the me that dies or the me that's infinite? Can I trust my habitual mind, or do I need to learn to look beneath those things?

Bernard Jaffe: There is no remainder in the mathematics of infinity.

Albert Markovski: Everything is the same, even if it's different.

Albert Markovski: Brad, I've thought about chopping your head off with a machete many times.
Brad Stand: I've though about hacking you up with an axe Albert, and smashing your face in with a baseball bat.

Albert Markovski: Mother-fucking, cocksucker, mother-fucking, shit-fucker, what am I doing?
[Albert walks out from behind tree, towards camera. As he gets closer to the camera the scene comes into focus]
Albert Markovski: What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can. I know that's all I can ask of myself. Is that good enough? Is my work doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? The African guy is a sign, right? Because if he isn't than nothing in this world makes any sense to me; I'm fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don't quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don't fucking quit. Just, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do anymore. Fucker. Fuck. Shit.
[Albert stops walking and begins speech about saving a piece of the marsh]

Albert Markovski: Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.

Vivian Jaffe: Why don't you just tell me what your situation is?
Albert Markovski: Look, I'm not really sure I know exactly what you guys do around here, all right?
Vivian Jaffe: Well, we'll investigate and solve your case.
Albert Markovski: How?
Vivian Jaffe: If you start a contact we'll follow you.
Albert Markovski: You'll spy?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: On me?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: Will you be spying on me in the bathroom?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: In the bathroom?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: Why?
Vivian Jaffe: There's nothing too small. You know when police find the slightest piece of DNA and build a case on it? If we might see you floss or masturbate that could be the key till your entire reality.

Dawn Campbell: There's glass between us. You can't deal with my infinite nature can you?
Brad Stand: That is so not true. Wait, what does that even mean?

Caterine Vauban: The woods are hopeless. Don't waste your time, they will be destroyed. So will the marsh. It is a losing game mankind has played for more than a century. Sadness is what you are, do not deny it. The universe is a lonely place, a painful place. This is what we can share between us, period.

Albert Markovski: That fire was a bitch-ass thing to do!
Caterine Vauban: No, it liberated you from Brad.
Albert Markovski: Or maybe, it bonded me even closer with him.

Alrighty so lets take a look at madness for a moment. Let's look at it deeply and all fucked up like. Don't go turning away when the uglyiest of the ugly and most fucked up unconventional irrational out of control shit happens. It does happen. Often. Sometimes reality takes a sick twisted flip turn for the worst. That worst is out of control. But then again what the fuck is reality anyway. It's all in your head people. As u call me psycho... I embrace it. I do. Now it'll change, everything is subsequence to change. That thing as much as I hate it, like really fucking hate it is a thing that won't change. As I ponder these two films today I ponder how often I embrace the bad shit not the half full glass shit but no the half empty hardcore how fucked up can shit get tip. Do you feel me? Do you feel the need to play Lisa, to play or better yet be the asshole that instead of doing the right thing which is keeping patience, keeping everyone at ease, no you feel like doing the wrong thing. Pushing the situation, the scenario, the argument, the relationship, as far as it will go. How much is too much? I've always thought it's a good question. A seriously infectous disease that not to many people are up for. They just don't have the stomach for it, ya know? How outta control? Can I say something so fucked up to inspire you to hit me. What is the worst case fucking scenario? What are you gonna do when it gets to that point?

Like a sick twisted freak I wanna see the bottom of the hole I've dug myself. It's dark so I gotta get into the hole to see and if I can still dig, it ain't the bottom dear. Intensity! You gotta grasp it if your even trying. Can it get more intense? How? I gotta push it further, deeper, harder, rougher, like all that anxiety is a river of words that'll coast on and on through the horizon miles long. I gotta get louder and angrier with big wise words that boggle the mind. I gotta tap into those insecurities, yo kid tap the fuck into mine. Shits there to feel. I wanna feel it all, don't leave anything out. I want to feel the rapture of harsh reality and have it rebirth something in me and the intensity of fantasy. Do I sound crazy? I am. I am crazy but I'm also a smart motherfucker and a leader. I understand the difference in duality. I understand a great length what people should see, what they wanna see, and what I show them. I understand that fucking with people to create real climactic change is to break that shit down, bikity bam! Whose not crazy? Really? That's sounds boring. Life with out :
Acute Stress Disorder
Adjustment Disorder
Agoraphobia
Alcohol Addiction
Alzheimer's Disease
Amnestic Disorder
Anorexia Nervosa
Antisocial Personal Disorder
Anxiety Disorder NOS
Asperger's Syndrome
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Autism
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Binge Eating Disorder
Bipolar Disorder
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Breathing-Related Sleep Disorder
Brief Psychotic Disorder
Bulimia Nervosa
Childhood Disintegrative Disorder
Childhood Disorder NOS
Childhood Eating Disorders
Cognitive Disorder NOS
Conduct Disorder
Conversion Disorder
Cyclothymic Disorder
Delerium
Delusional Disorder
Dementia
Dependent Personality Disorder
Depersonalization Disorder
Depression
Depressive Disorder NOS
Disruptive Behavior Disorder NOS
Dissociative Amnesia
Dissociative Disorder NOS
Dissociative Fugue
Dissociative Identity Disorder
Drug Addiction
Dyslexia
Dyssomnia NOS
Dysthymic Disorder
Factitious Disorder
Gambling Addiction
Gender Identity Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Huntington's Disease
Hypersomnia
Hypochondriasis
Impulse-Control Disorder NOS
Insomnia
Intermittent Explosive Disorder
Kleptomania
Learning Disorders
Malingering
Mental Retardation
Mixed-Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder
Munchausen by Proxy
Munchausen Syndrome
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcolepsy
Nightmare Disorder
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Pain Disorder
Panic Disorder
Paranoid Personality Disorder
Paraphilias
Parasomnia NOS
Parkinson's Disease
Personality Disorder NOS
Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Postpartum Depression
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
Primary Sleep Disorders
Pyromania
Reactive Attachment Disorder
Rett's Disorder

That's a lengthy list. Just cause I was curious, as cited from the Columbia University Mental Health Journal the average human suffers from at least 4 mental illnesses in their lifetime and most cycle these illnesses without medical treatment. Intresting right? I think it's intresting cause it's really a sales pitch for psychologists. I ponder if they are illness. Technically most of this shit is just unacceptable by a group of people who sit around and talk about unacceptable shit. Fuck them! You know. Live my life. Have some of this bad shit, ok? take it store in your head for a bit. Realize it happened and it ain't no fantasy and sit there and tell me how to deal with it or tell me how I should deal with it. Fuck you! Let me say it again. Fuck you. I'm still here liven and it's good.... sometimes, sometimes... it ain't so good, and sometimes it'll get so bad I'll curse the heavens. But that's the life we live. Me personally if I can accept all that this life tosses up at me, I'll always be here. Typety type typing and feeling and thinking, often challenging, confronting, and making noise. I think when you love something or someone you voice it and show it. On this little dark run I'm having, I'm finding I feel the same way about things I hate. And often it's feelings and thoughts in me. Now I could keep that shit to myself, but the more I do that, the more I find my perspective of this life, my environment, and the people are turning into something not real. And lately everytime that happens it's like I'm bucking the system. Like make the reality, reality again. It's hard to explain.

I'll do it better if I had a movie or two. Girl, interupted for instance. They fight the system. The whole time. Constant confrontation of girls her are classified as unhealthy. And while they are inside bombarded with the pre-requisite of becoming better. Essentially this prospect on the psychological level is all about 2 things. The rest can go fuck itself. A- Are you a threat to yourself? B- Are you a threat to others? If the answer is no to both those questions no one cares anymore how outta control you get. Go fucking nuts! I got some issues with the term "unacceptable". If u ain't willing to accept it, sucks for you, I'm still alive and this is my reality or surreality. For the rational "sain" person reading this. It's easy to percieve life and reality as being a certain way. You wake up in the morning, you do your thing, you interact with others, and shit keeps moving moving moving. Now step away from that seeing is believing bullshit for a sec. Step back look at the bigger picture. Watch how these people move their eyes, watch the history of everything that came before, stop, wait, and listen, put everything together into a big multi-layered 3 dimensional thinga ma bob for how this world is put together. Ask yourself what would it take to knock that presumed reality off it's ass. If people aren't in any common god fearing neighbor respecting existance I fear each person is a tool to be used in one way or another.

The thing I like about I heart Huckabees is cause there is so much madness in the film and it's all madness about how each character exists in his or her own reality. Minus Dustin and Lily and Catherine who act as guides or moderators. Instead of saying that these characters are in fact mentally ill, and it's blatant how many of the mental illnesses from the above list warp them but instead of attacking the situation with more "acceptable" methods they go through this guantlet of understanding their infinite nature. I believe that breaks the cycle. Not essentially breaking the cycle but knowing it exists, knowing the infinite nature of yourself. Knowing what things or situations or instances are in fact you. The things you want and are. Your nature not only in the craziest of the crazy but in general. If it's in general you could quickly limit any negative or positive elements to better suit you as a being. You could start easily weeding out the good and bad for you cause not only do you know what your capable of but you know what is and always has been part of you. It's called existentialism. When your infinite nature is not just this earthly body but you exist in everything and everything exists in you. We're all made of the same stuff so it ain't that hard to believe. But if you can't see the layers of how it exists in you and the rest of it. It's just straight up madness. So call me a psycho, call yourselves one to, cause full understanding ain't no easy task and you gotta test all the layers and levels before your there.

Money Isn't Everything It's The Only Thing

Boiler Room (2000)

Jim Young: And there is no such thing as a no sale call. A sale is made on every call you make. Either you sell the client some stock or he sells you a reason he can't. Either way a sale is made, the only question is who is gonna close? You or him? Now be relentless, that's it, I'm done.

Jim Young: They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.

Jim Young: Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any.

Seth Davis: What do you mean, you're gonna pass. Alan, the only people making money passing are NFL quarterbacks and I don't see a number on your back.

Seth Davis: I read this article a while back, that said that Microsoft employs more millionaire secretary's that any other company in the world. They took stock options over Christmas bonuses. It was a good move. I remember there was this picture, of one of the groundskeepers next to his Ferrari. Blew my mind. you see shit like that, and it just plants seeds, makes you think its possible, even easy. And then you turn on the TV, and there's just more of it. The $87 Million lottery winner, that kid actor that just made 20 million o his last movie, that internet stock that shot through the roof, you could have made millions if you had just gotten in early, and that's exactly what I wanted to do: get in. I didn't want to be an innovator any more, i just wanted to make the quick and easy buck, i just wanted in. The Notorious BIG said it best: "Either you're slingin' crack-rock, or you've got a wicked jump-shot." Nobody wants to work for it anymore. There's no honor in taking that after school job at Mickey Dee's, honor's in the dollar, kid. So I went the white boy way of slinging crack-rock: I became a stock broker.

Jim Young: There's an important phrase that we use here, and think it's time that you all learned it. Act as if. You understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking President of this firm. Act as if you got a 9" cock. Okay? Act as if.

JIM: So now that you know what's possible, let me tell you what's required. You are required to work your ass off. We want winners, not pikers. A piker is someone who walks at the bell. A piker asks how much vacation time he gets in the first year. See, people work here to become filthy rich. No other reason. That's it. You want vacation time? Go teach third grade public school.

GREG: Okay, first of all there are going to be a lot of those regardless of how good you are. But you happen to suck dick. I have this friend who runs this other firm. He gives out this book to all his trainees. The Rebuttal Book. Looks like a fil-o-fax. Has those index tabs but they don't say A to B to G to H, they say things like Wife won't let me, I'm not in the market now, Call me back, Send me a prospectus. Has a rebuttal for any excuse. That's all the shit you're gonna have to learn later. For now you only have to remember one thing. You can be whoever you want on the phone. So say what you have to. Use a different name if you want. Tell them you're a vice- president here. Just get them on the line. That's the first step. It's the hardest part sometimes, but just get the cocksucker on the line.

GREG: Those fucking Guineas, half of them do coke. They all drink. No stability, zero capital. They make all this money and they're always living three steps ahead. Do you know there are guys in this firm that make close to a million a year and couldn't get a loan for a Honda because their credit is so bad. Everyone's just waiting for the fifteenth of the month. It's like they may drive a Porsche but they don't have ten bucks to put in the gas tank. Nigger rich.

SETH: Yes, how are you, James? Seth Marlin over at JT Marlin.

JAMES Take me off your list!!!

SETH: Okay, I'll take you off my list of successful people today.

Rounders (1998)
Professor Petrovsky: We can't run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.


Mike McDermott: You were lookin' for that third three, but you forgot that Professor Green folded on Fourth Street and now you're representing that you have it. The DA made his two pair, but he knows they're no good. Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush but he came up short and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are going to stand up. So like I said, the Dean's bet is $20.

Mike McDermott: Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

Worm: She's really got him by the balls.
Petra: That's not so bad, is it?
Worm: It depends on the grip!

Worm: You know what always cheers me up?
Mike McDermott: No, what's that?
Worm: Rolled up aces over kings. Check-raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off of them. Playing all-night high-limit Hold'em at the Taj, "where the sand turns to gold." Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Mike McDermott: Fuck it, let's go.
Worm: Don't tease me.
Mike McDermott: Let's play some cards.
Worm: Yes!

Mike McDermott: You can't lose what you don't put in the middle.
[pause]
Mike McDermott: But you can't win much either.

Mike McDermott: It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money.

Mike McDermott: In "Confessions of a Winning Poker Player," Jack King said, "Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career." It seems true to me, cause walking in here, I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll, but I can't stop thinking about the way I lost it.

Mike McDermott: I've often seen these people, these squares at the table, short stack and long odds against them. All their outs gone. One last card in the deck that can help them. I used to wonder how they could let themselves get into such bad shape, and how the hell they thought they could turn it around.

In my opinion there are only 2 games worth playing in this sick twisted game of life god gives us. People, which has always been my game. Always the table I'll sit at and always the game that becomes the most interesting with the highest level of emotional risk and money. I'm taking this morning to explore this money one. And yes I lied from my last blog, neither of these films are new, but I may do that from time to time... lie, cause I wanna be happy and if I don't have to explain myself which is just perfect for me I will be. Even though I played the people game and I still do. I like people more then I like money cause they can give you things that money can't buy and ironically enough the things that money can buy never satisfy me nearly as much as the the simplest things people can give like smiles and winks and isms (charachter facial expressions/reactions). But that's not saying that I haven't played the game of money. And standing here getting closer and closer to the crossroads of where I go and what I do it's again important to remember where I've been. The game of money is all about lieing and coning. That's all it is. How do I take this guy or girl for as much as I can. Can I do it in a way that they never see it coming and in a way that they'll never notice it's gone until I'm gone. I was best able to do it when I didn't acknowledge them as humans. Makes it so easy. It's extremely unethical and un-moral. But that's capitalism for you. Survival of the fittest and in that survival the weakest link is the poorest. In NY there are plenty of jobs you can do to make good pay, you can go to class forever, get yourself a degree and start measuring where on the payroll curve of your said position you will be overtime. If you think of yourself as an innovator and essentially see stupid people everyday, you'd get so much more satisfaction from life if instead of mocking those stupid people with your friends capitizing on they're stupidity. It's a humbling experience for you and them. As for sales, you gotta remember one thing life is really boring and most of the time people in general are killing time. With that said that's why salesman are so excitable, this is why we talk in loud voices, to break you, the customer, client, out of your routine like oblivion and buy into whatever it is we're selling to cure u of the burden of having money that your not using.

I'm gonna have to disagree with Jim money is the root of all evil. If you think about this life without factoring money in you see everything is still very much possible. It doesn't matter how old you are, where you come from, or what you do. At any moment you can extend your metaphorical hand and pull in what you want. I like doing that. Often. It's a great little tool for brainstorming, imagination, and creativity. However when you do factor money in that pretty world or universe quickly gets chained down and imprisoned. What is he wearing? Is that the new Audi? So your a doctor? The next time your out at a social gathering silence the words and the music and eye up people, see if you can guess the labels of everything they're wearing. When they open their mouth see how much of their words and experience is about what stuff they've accumulated. Are you thinking right now as you read this blog hmm what do I need. The truth is all u need is food, shelter, water, and love. That's all you need to live. And the happiest times of my life is when all those things were satisfied. That's when I've been the most on point. I used to have a ford mustang 92 GT. I loved that car. I loved the way it started and purred when it started. I loved driving it. But in the 2 years I had it before a drunk driver cremated it. Nothing that special happened. Nothing really notable. It was a thing that every once in a while if I remembered gave me joy. And it wasn't what others thought as I drove it, it was how it felt when I drove it. So I'll probably get another when I return home but it's still a thing. And as for how judgement works on those nice things. I think they're distractions. Like a nice little smokey fog with lights to change an opinion. In this past little hibernation. Especially not last week but the week before. You have a better chance of people liking you from saying nothing at all. You have a better chance of taking everything you want from someone if you refrain from speaking until the precise moment of weakness in your competitor or friend. Sorry you gotta excuse me, this friend element or concept keeps getting confused in me of late. And I think I maybe talking like this not because I honestly believe it but because when I think I can become unethical and immoral that people in general become not people. They become a means to and end. Almost all of them. I could say all of them. Every single last one of them.

I suppose when it comes to ethics, morallity, and virtue, either I have it or I don't. And if I don't it becomes really not real. Other people that is. Which is kinda psycholtic.... trust me I know, I'm okay with it for the moment. I'm missing those people that keep me grounded and I'm grounded by love, recognizable love by trust and undeniable compassion which I don't see. Except from my mom but she can be a real Tool sometimes..lol. Anyways I wanted to get to these movies and try to do what I was doing before which was attempt to relate them to me and my experience and that ethical morality thing isn't something you just wake up one morning and say hey blog writer I think today you should stop acting like you have virtue. I think the environment plays a major role in molding you into a certain type of person. And it even has the availibility to change your perception of the environment. There are lots of people in these parts that talk about making more money and getting the quick buck. But What I notice more and more is it's talk. There are rivers and oceans of bullshit here sometimes. Like omg can someone please please put their money where their mouth is. Do you know what that phrase means? It means show your money from your great F'en idea instead of running your full of shit mouth. People should try it. They might become as quiet and silent as I am. But I'm still not one to talk. If I chose to go that direction btw it'll turn ugly. Not like it's so frikin pretty as of the moment but if people aren't people, and they don't have thoughts the way I have thoughts, if they are in theory cattle. The point of the game is seriously just to herd their dumb asses where I want them to be. That's the point. Just putting it out there. I've done it before. I was miserable but I do have an end and don't got the means. I've created lots of means. There is seriously not enough crime here. I'm not that far gone, I'm just saying. Without of coarse letting my emotions getting the best of me. Which haven't been good emotions running wild. The biggest emotion running wild these days is seriously anger. It doesn't run in the vain of yelling and getting pissed off either. It runs in a kinda I'm better than all this, kind of let me hurt people where it really hurts, not something simple like a confrontation. No something methodically villainous. I hope it's not the next big blog writer adaptation cause I could see a sea of misery upon the horizon for any unlikely person.

Anyways I wanted to get back to Boiler Room. Cause Boiler room is seriously the shiznit of sales. I remember standing in my cubicle in NY 2 years ago and the lines from this movie my co-workers said over the phone to clients. The phone, omg why do I seriously ditest the phone. On any given day you will be hung up on 70+ times, often being told to fuck off and die before the ungodly sound of a phone being slammed on a reciever. I love Seths charachter. He's obviously smart enough to figure out this game of money. The conflict of conscious comes in wanting more and more. In the game of money there is no enough. In the game of life or people there is enough, at least for this blog writer. Enough is having this one person (which could be a fictional mind fuck the blog writer gave himself by watching way too many Disney Movies when he was younger). But that would be enough. Technically though I have hobbies and a job I'm not in the game of money. I'm not really trying to make more, I'm not thinking how do I get enough to buy some nice stuff. I'm pretty content where I am. No worries about getting a house or anything. I do have some major issues with the concept of "an honest living". I don't think that exists. There are stupid livings, like where someone is just to stupid to see how money travels from hands but an honest living. Please. If you got a check and they gave you too much money would u be like umm... hey there's a mistake. Laughable. If you say yes it's outta fear of getting caught and I don't believe you for the record. The thing I felt the most in Boiler room was with Seths plite in just finding his place and his way. That "rite of passage" (nomadic me jan?). The rite of passage to get from point A in this countinually whack existence to the next. He just wants to find his place in it. And that's kinda what we all want, I think. The really ironic thing, and I'm gonna cite another movie for a moment, I'll probably do a whole blog on it, maybe V-day, possibly. But Joel in Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind says as he's laying on the ice with clemintine. "This is exactly where I wanted to be". It's a moment and even though it directly applies to the people game instead of the money game, it's note worthy. It's note worthy cause this life is a journey but having that goal or that place where u can rest and say this is it I'm here. Exactly where I wanted to be. For me that's come with the premiere screening of any of my films. Standing there in the back watching the audience taking in my story, my message, and watching them laugh at the funny parts or smiling at the lines that as I wrote them meant so much to me. This life it just goes sometimes and it's in the moments that we are where we meant to be that mean so much. That do that not the breathes we take but take our breathe away thing.

It happens in rounders as well. The up and down and oh fuck, to get to it. The thing I like about rounders and gambling in general, even though I'm not a gambler (in the game of money that is, I gamble often with chips of the heart) is that metaphorical risk. In gambling and cards it's the quinticential gamble. As us silly stupid humans say we're weighing our actions or words or experience the card game has such a better example of what we are doing. I appreciate it's existence. When you say things like what's on the table, ya know. It's only recently that I have taken more and more off the table that I'd let ride. That I'd take my chances on. Like it is and always will be with that influx of how it comes and goes. How this life will throw you a hand or deal you some cards that u think are the hand but something or someone comes across and totally wrecks that dream. Or on the other hand your down to one chip and slowly slowly the game swings up in your favor.

Freedom

Into the Wild (2007)
Christopher McCandless: I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.


Christopher McCandless: Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.


Christopher McCandless: If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed.


Christopher McCandless: Mr. Franz I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one.

Christopher McCandless: [written into book] Happiness is only real when shared.

Cast Away (2000)

Chuck Noland: I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over nothing.

Chuck Noland: We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well regardless I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean, that to stay here and die on this shithole island spending the rest of my life talking to a god damn VOLLEYBALL. (or blogspot)


Chuck Noland: [reading from a birthday card] The most beautiful thing in the world is, of course, the world itself.

Chuck Noland: We live and we die by time. And we must not commit the sin of losing our track on time.

Chuck Noland: We live and we die by the clock, that's all we have.

Okay so we're going to start doing one and one cause I'm back to going to the cineama once a week, often alone, and seeing new movies. So one and one's gonna be the set up for a while. Also I got a script to finish tweaking and another one that's just being born. It's a good place to be in, I think. I do wish very much that I could take like one modern cineama class. Never thought I'd say this but umm.. I wish I had a 7 page paper to write about the stylistic ramification of a movie. It would help getting my mind back to that level. Oh well guess this blogging/talking to myself will just have to do. Any critisism you can spare blog readers, trust me I'll appreciate it and no not by taking my shoe off tossing it at you and telling you to shut up (Who throws a shoe -what movie?).

So Into the wild killer flick. See it, I'll give you my copy if u'd like, it'll give you great insite about the human spirit. I got a comment today, feel free to read it. It's attached to the last January comment I believe. But in a way it inspired me to write today about the movies and stay on track. I've been writing more and more in my real journal and reading books and basically doing the whole cast away, into the wild thing so this might be a good blog. Like positive and shit. Into the wild is such a testiment to the human soul and spirit. He graduates out of college and gets rid of everything that society has given, through out the movie his inner naration is so perfectly inspiring. It makes you wanna put on a back pack and go. It's a testiment to fully and completely letting go. You want that. You so want it. True freedom. Its based on a book and if I can find it I'm gonna have to read it. I swear. When you really sit and ponder what freedom is, Is it freedom from stuff? Freedom from social norms, or freedom from the entire sociatal machine. Could you let go of it. So many philisophical ideas spicing and like icing all over this picture.

Here's a transition btw. Cause even though these blogs aren't well thought out, I just sorta go. Time and Freedom I believe to be connected. The more you focus on time the less freedom you have. When I first arrived in this country I thought I had attained that freedom but I kinda believe that freedom lasted for maybe the first month or even the first days I got here. Then time snuck back up. Like time sneaks... :P There's a real comparison between cast away and into the wild, yes both are about the undieing unyielding magic of the human spirit. But Tom Hanks experience is 100% based on the existence of time and the trials that come from trying to attain it. Trying to keep track of it. But by the end it's just completely about appreciating it. The interalion that I premise these two movies is that in Into The Wild Chris Supertrain completely obliterates its meaning, he really really really, did I say really, cause I meant to say really, like really really just lives. It's so powerful. It's a powerful thing to learn and live ones life by. Instead of holding life to the unconscious boundaries of the hands of a clock he frees the inner spirit to the rising of a sun and setting. That's true freedom. In a true non verbal, not termanology, idea. It's profound to live without any boundaries or limitations. To go through a journey of unlearning all that's been learned. I think something similiar happens in Cast Away. And what appreciate is that as profound as Chris's charachter is, he sought it. He truly wanted that limitless natural freedom that Niche spoke of. Tom Hanks didn't but it found him none the less.