A Tale as old as time and timelessness, go it, and go it alone

Queen of the Damned (2002)

Marius: A vampire's life is a life of discretion.
Lestat: Discretion? Why should we hide, Marius? We are the powerful. We are the immortal. We should walk fearless in the open.
[They both stop to watch a girl playing a violin]
Marius: That cannot be. We are vulnerable during the day. Mortals must never know of us.
Lestat: So I could never know her?
Marius: Not unless you wanted to kill her.
Lestat: So I can never be known?
Marius: You must be dead to the world.

Lestat: With all my black little heart.

Lestat: [voiceover] There comes a time for every vampire when the idea of eternity becomes momentarily unbearable. Living in the shadows, feeding in the darkness with only your own company to keep, rots into a solitary, hollow existence. Immortality seems like a good idea, until you realize you're going to spend it alone. So I went to sleep, hoping that the sounds of the passing eras would fade out, and a sort of death might happen. But as I lay there, the world didn't sound like the place I had left, but something different.
[rock music begins]
Lestat: Better. It became worthwhile to rise again as new gods were born and worshipped. Night and day, they were never alone. I would become one of them.
[feeds]
Lestat: Whether it was that first meal, or a hundred years of rest, I'm not sure. But suddenly I was feeling better than ever. My senses so high they led me straight to the instrument of my resurrection, playing in my old house.

Lestat: I don't have time for this.
Jesse: All a vampire has is time.
Lestat: Not this one!

Lestat: You're beautiful to me because you're human. Your frailty. Your short years. Your heart. All that suddenly seems more precious than anything I've ever known.
Jesse: I'm not as precious as you think.

Lestat: From that moment on, they were my friends, my children, my band. Giving the world a new god... me.

Lestat: So, you know Marius?
Jesse: I know a lot of things.
Lestat: Not how to stay alive, apparently.
Jesse: Oh, I guess we have that in common, though I think I'm a little ahead of the race, here.
Lestat: Well, I can fix that.
[reaches for her neck]
Jesse: [quickly] Your song "Redeemer" is about the girl with the violin? Right? Right?
Lestat: Right? What else do you think you know?
Jesse: [nervous] I...
Lestat: You're... shaking.
Jesse: I'm cold.
Lestat: Still cold?
[backing her up against a wall]
Lestat: So, go on, tell me more about me.
Jesse: You want...
Lestat: What do I want?
Jesse: You yearn...
Lestat: What do I yearn?
[pierces her finger]
Lestat: What do I yearn?
[sucks the blood from her finger]
Jesse: To walk with the living... out of the cold dark wasteland of eternity.

Lestat: [voice over] Many times since, I have called to Marius. I howled into the night in loneliness and pain. But there was no answer, just the endless procession of days, months, years... My teacher left me to my darkest lesson, that in the end, we are alone.


City of Angels (1998)
Susan: What good would wings be if you couldn't feel the wind on your face?

Seth: I always asked the dying what they liked best about living. Wrote it down in my book. This is it. This is what I like best.

Maggie Rice: I'm not afraid. When they ask me what I liked best, I'll tell them, it was you.

Maggie Rice: I don't understand a God who would let us meet, if we could never be together.

Maggie: Why do you wear the same clothes all the time? Why won't you give me your phone number? Are you married?
Seth: No.
Maggie: Are you homeless?
Seth: No.
Maggie: Are you a drummer?

Seth: What's that like? What's it taste like? Describe it like Hemingway.
Maggie Rice: Well, it tastes like a pear. You don't know what a pear tastes like?
Seth: I don't know what a pear tastes like to you.
Maggie Rice: Sweet, juicy, soft on your tongue, grainy like a sugary sand that dissolves in your mouth. How's that?
Seth: It's perfect.

Seth: I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.

Seth: Some things are true whether you believe in them or not.

Seth: Why do people cry?
Maggie: What do you mean?
Seth: I mean... what happens physically?
Maggie: Well... umm... tear ducts operate on a normal basis to lubricate and protect the eye and when you have an emotion they overreact and create tears.
Seth: Why? Why do they overreact?
Maggie: [pause] I don't know.
Seth: Maybe... maybe emotion becomes so intense your body just can't contain it. Your mind and your feelings become too powerful... and your body weeps


I wanted to take today to talk about eternity and what's really worth appreciating. There's a constant up and down in this life about how we feel about things i believe. With me I find it sneaks up on you. I was on the bus yesturday coming back from Syntagma and couldn't help but look around at all the people I was sitting on the bus with. Most of them had really sad miserable grimises on their faces like, fuck another boring day. But there was one lady whose age ivades me but she was hiding her smile as if that happiness wasn't timed right for this situation. With that in mind I ponder if now is timed right for my happiness and I'd tend to say no. A little aside for the reader who don't know. I just arrived in Greece about a week ago. I can't say all the reasons that I think Cyprus failed me or that quite probably I failed myself, what I can say is there is no doubt in my mind that I'm starting from scratch in a new place which isn't really that new cause I've been coming here every summer since I was a boy but I don't know anyone except for my cousin and I don't know him know him. We've never been that close and I don't wish to invade into his personal space here the way I believe i did with friends in Cyprus. I kinda embrace the idea that for the next couple of months before I return home I can get back to me. Like my center and what's important to me. I'm not the kinda guy to be easily influenced by others or their lifestyle but I was definitely tipping in that direction before I left and I didn't like it. I knew some americans in Cyprus as well and in the few months that I chilled with them as well I was feeling this kinda life philosophy invade my thinking, like perhaps I'd adopt their views or way of living which ain't why I came here and it ain't the man I wish to be. I'm gonna keep my virtues even if those virtues are completely unacceptable by today's standards.

Back to the movies, I thought these two had a lovely, duality contrast. Angels and vampires the missing links between us and heaven and hell in theory. In both cases they long to have what we have in theory. Which is some kind of non-eternity based loneliness solution. Which I argue is not the case. Especially in Lestats case. Lestat, like many of us I think accepts he's going to be alone so he goes to sleep wishing for some kind of death to take him. I believe if you believe nothing will change, like this life will stay this way in relationships or work or creativity, if u accept that all this shit never changes then it is like falling into a deep slumber. And perhaps that slumber is useful in the way that it gives you the isolation to create something in yourself. But on the other hand that something, that for instance Lestat speaks of that makes you a god, your still going to be alone. It's just as lonely when everyone knows your name and who you are as if they didn't cause theres no connection. I know this connection like I know myself, like I've seen it play out so many times before. I'll never be able to keep it for too long but I can recognize it when it's there. I can seek it and actively pursue it but the eternity in the shadows with only my own company always finds it's way back to me. This middle ground between heaven and hell I think is the numbness of existence with out the good and the bad. Like an apathy all together. Each day waking in your bed pondering if anything could have been different when in fact it couldn't. In Queen of the Damned Lestat gets his happy ending, in theory, who knows, someone could easily come along and stake Jesse through the heart but that's kinda sad :P I'm just saying, it's a long eternity, anythings possible, good or bad, uforic or horrific, that's this life and the drama that insues.

City of Angels, is kinda cool, cause they don't start as humans, they start their existence without knowing any better. Between you and me, I'd much rather prefer to be an angel with no feelings and not knowing then a vampire and knowing. I have a terrible giving streek anyway, quite angelic. Let me just take this moment to say also in this world I've found there are 2 types of people givers and takers, and theoretically the parallel between angels and vampires on that note is uncanny. I've always been a giver. I give everything I can, everything I have, and the more selflessly I can do it the better I feel. I don't wanna give that up and in many many many attempts to change that none have ever taken. I'll spend some real time alone and isolated instead of excepting that i gotta take what I can when I can. I'd rather do god or good work then take. That's just me. I've been told I'm stupid cause this lesson, that people are gonna hurt u if they can get what they want regardless of u, I try to get it, but like i said before it never takes and instead of learning or adapting to hurt them I leave. It's better for me I think and feel. Cause there is no max out of my availibility to give, there's always more, and anyone who just wanted what they wanted when they wanted it without and consideration of me or others for that matter, well they're gonna miss out. That's a truth. I believe. I'm destined for big great things but I think that that greatness is always gonna be celebrated alone. There's a phrase that's like too much of a good thing is no good. That sounds so retarded to me. But so widely accepted by everyone else. I ask where's the peak? Too much of a good thing, isn't that a probability of making that good thing better, can't u work it? That's hard to say when god goes ahead and kills your good thing I guess.